A bill is going through senate regarding health care. In a nutshell, it sucks. Physician compensation goes down, hours go up. I won't be able to afford my bills.
I'm just freaking out right now. I'm sure I'm rambling.
I'm about ten seconds away from switching to pre-dent.
At least I can still be somewhat of a medical professional and I don't have to worry as much about this crap.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Ehh
Today, I want to be a doctor. I have been for the last week or so. The semester is winding up and I'm ready to start my next round of classes. I'll have a little less than a week to charge my batteries and dive into an intense Biology course and Calculus.
My semester grades are looking decent. I'm not nearly as bad off as I thought. I'm still struggling with General Chem but I'm almost done with it.
Today, I don't mind all of the stuff that comes with pre-med. I'm ok with spending the time preparing for school. The only thing I'm starting to dread is preparing for the MCAT. I start this August. I also think I'm going to start training for Little 500. I think I want to ride in it my senior year.
I think part of the reason I don't mind medicine today is because I've been pretty preoccupied with trying to find a new vehicle. The one I have is about to fall apart, litterally. I'm really tired of browsing and just want to refocus on school.
It's kind of weird when I think about it. All I do is bitch about studying and when something else is going on that takes up my time, I just want to go back and think about school.
My semester grades are looking decent. I'm not nearly as bad off as I thought. I'm still struggling with General Chem but I'm almost done with it.
Today, I don't mind all of the stuff that comes with pre-med. I'm ok with spending the time preparing for school. The only thing I'm starting to dread is preparing for the MCAT. I start this August. I also think I'm going to start training for Little 500. I think I want to ride in it my senior year.
I think part of the reason I don't mind medicine today is because I've been pretty preoccupied with trying to find a new vehicle. The one I have is about to fall apart, litterally. I'm really tired of browsing and just want to refocus on school.
It's kind of weird when I think about it. All I do is bitch about studying and when something else is going on that takes up my time, I just want to go back and think about school.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Relaxing goes a long way
I haven't really thought about being a doctor in the last couple of days. I told myself that I wanted to take a break from the drama that accompanies pre-med students. So far, it has worked. I genuinely feel happy today. I feel optimistic about my future which is weird because I normally don't.
I went out last night with some friends and spent some time relaxing. I got away from school and my work and it felt good. However, the thought of medicine is still in the back of my mind. I know that on Monday, I'll be back to the "neurotic me" constantly stressing out over what needs to been done for the week. I've come to expect this and definitely appreciate my free time.
I'm trying to remember why I'm doing all of this. I think this is easier when I do my clinical volunteering. Those little interactions with the patients remind me of why I want to be a physician. I'm also trying to remember that there is more to college, and life, than perfecting my med school application.
As I'm getting closer to applying, I'm just trying to remember that success is meaningless if I lose myself in it.
I went out last night with some friends and spent some time relaxing. I got away from school and my work and it felt good. However, the thought of medicine is still in the back of my mind. I know that on Monday, I'll be back to the "neurotic me" constantly stressing out over what needs to been done for the week. I've come to expect this and definitely appreciate my free time.
I'm trying to remember why I'm doing all of this. I think this is easier when I do my clinical volunteering. Those little interactions with the patients remind me of why I want to be a physician. I'm also trying to remember that there is more to college, and life, than perfecting my med school application.
As I'm getting closer to applying, I'm just trying to remember that success is meaningless if I lose myself in it.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
A new day
This morning, I felt optimistic about pursuing medicine. However, as the day progressed, I increasingly doubted my decision. I'm not really sure why. It could be the lack of sleep or the fact that I'm burnt out. Every day its something new that I feel is holding me back. Naturally, I spent a good deal of the day weighing the pros and cons. It was at this point that I realized I base the majority of my decisions on one thing: money.
I'm struggling this year. It's been a tough two semesters. Not so much last semester as this one. I haven't gotten the grades I want and am a less competitive applicant than I would like. They are not "bad" grades. They are just not good enough. Typically, people in my situation do one of three things. They'll apply and hope they get in somewhere. They'll take 5+ years getting a degree or do post-bac work. Or, they'll go for an SMP, a junior college for medicine. These are all options of mine. However, I don't necessarily like any of them. It all comes down to money.
Five years of undergrad is more money. An SMP is about the same, cost-wise, as medical school. That's like 5 years of med school tuition. Applying to medical school? Some applicants spend $12k just on their applications.
These options just add to the chaos. Sure, I'm lucky I have options. Unfortunately, all I see are dollar signs.
I'm struggling this year. It's been a tough two semesters. Not so much last semester as this one. I haven't gotten the grades I want and am a less competitive applicant than I would like. They are not "bad" grades. They are just not good enough. Typically, people in my situation do one of three things. They'll apply and hope they get in somewhere. They'll take 5+ years getting a degree or do post-bac work. Or, they'll go for an SMP, a junior college for medicine. These are all options of mine. However, I don't necessarily like any of them. It all comes down to money.
Five years of undergrad is more money. An SMP is about the same, cost-wise, as medical school. That's like 5 years of med school tuition. Applying to medical school? Some applicants spend $12k just on their applications.
These options just add to the chaos. Sure, I'm lucky I have options. Unfortunately, all I see are dollar signs.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
How can I be sure....
The average med student has, or will accumulate, over $250,000 in debt.
I just broke $40K. I'm not even a junior in college.
A question I constantly ask myself is whether this will all be worth it. I'm not sure if many other students in my position ask themselves this. I can say, however, if they don't, they definitely should be.
I spend hours a day studying the required sciences, writing the pointless lab reports, and reading books on Buddhism. This doesn't bother me.
I spend hundreds of dollars on gas and car repairs so that I can get back and forth between my home and my clinical site. This doesn't bother me.
I spend the time, that I should use to be relaxing and unwinding, catching up on work. This doesn't bother me.
What bothers me is the thought of medicine not being worth it. The thought that after the years of brutal treatment, painfully long hours, and bullshit bureaucracy there is nothing left. What scares me is the idea of devoting my college years, money, time, and ultimately my life to medicine while not receiving anything in return.
Medicine is not something that someone can just get out of. After deciding to be a doctor, you are pretty much locked in. Taking on massive amounts of debt commands a large salary. I frequently hear that if physicians had no debt, they would leave medicine forever. This scares me.
While I've done my best to prepare for what I'm attempting to get into, there is no way to be truly ready. Sure, I've shadowed and volunteered. I've read books and asked questions. I've seen happy doctors. I've seen miserable doctors. There is no way to be fully prepared for what I'm striving for. And by then, it may be too late.
I've learned recently that going into medicine is a huge gamble. Not only because of the future of health care in this country, but also because you'll never really know what it's like until your in it. Even if I go into medicine and decide it's not for me, I'm stuck. I'll be a quarter of a million dollars in debt. I'll be held hostage in field that could devour me.
Deciding to matriculate to medical school is taking a huge leap of faith. How can I be sure it's what I want....
I just broke $40K. I'm not even a junior in college.
A question I constantly ask myself is whether this will all be worth it. I'm not sure if many other students in my position ask themselves this. I can say, however, if they don't, they definitely should be.
I spend hours a day studying the required sciences, writing the pointless lab reports, and reading books on Buddhism. This doesn't bother me.
I spend hundreds of dollars on gas and car repairs so that I can get back and forth between my home and my clinical site. This doesn't bother me.
I spend the time, that I should use to be relaxing and unwinding, catching up on work. This doesn't bother me.
What bothers me is the thought of medicine not being worth it. The thought that after the years of brutal treatment, painfully long hours, and bullshit bureaucracy there is nothing left. What scares me is the idea of devoting my college years, money, time, and ultimately my life to medicine while not receiving anything in return.
Medicine is not something that someone can just get out of. After deciding to be a doctor, you are pretty much locked in. Taking on massive amounts of debt commands a large salary. I frequently hear that if physicians had no debt, they would leave medicine forever. This scares me.
While I've done my best to prepare for what I'm attempting to get into, there is no way to be truly ready. Sure, I've shadowed and volunteered. I've read books and asked questions. I've seen happy doctors. I've seen miserable doctors. There is no way to be fully prepared for what I'm striving for. And by then, it may be too late.
I've learned recently that going into medicine is a huge gamble. Not only because of the future of health care in this country, but also because you'll never really know what it's like until your in it. Even if I go into medicine and decide it's not for me, I'm stuck. I'll be a quarter of a million dollars in debt. I'll be held hostage in field that could devour me.
Deciding to matriculate to medical school is taking a huge leap of faith. How can I be sure it's what I want....
How did I even get here
Being a doctor is not always something that I've wanted to do. I grew up wanting to own a business. I can say that I've owned two. Both showed strong revenue and promising profits. However, I left them behind for various reasons.
I graduated high school with a 2.07 GPA. It's embarrassing and pathetic. I'm not quite sure why I got that GPA. It was probably the laziness and lack of motivation. It wasn't until I was a senior in high school that I discovered I wanted to be a doctor. Unfortunately, it's not a neat or entertaining story. However, I will share it anyway...
I had a basic surgery on my foot that was due to an old sports injury. The bone was broken and would never heal on its own. So, they took it out. Up until this point, I had never had surgery. I think it goes without saying that I was pretty scared. My fear wasn't that I would die or lose my foot. It was that I would wake up in the middle of the surgery and be aware of what was going on. I didn't want that. It sounded terrifying.
My anesthesiologist walked in and gave me the run down on the procedure. Long story short, he sucked. He told me I might wake up. At this point, I was flipping out. The surgery went fine and there were no complications.
However, as I healed from surgery, I began thinking about that doctor, the anesthesiologist. I remember thinking that I could do much better than him. I went in there terrified and he told me exactly what I didn't want to hear. So, I began researching jobs in medicine, specifically anesthesia. I thought I could do better than him. I wanted to do better than him. I knew what is was like to be scared and I hated it. I thought to myself, "I want to ease a patient's fear; to ease their pain".
That's how it all started. It should be noted that the above is rather vague. I had toyed with being a doctor as a child but never took it seriously. It appears that I fell into this choice quickly but I really did take the time and decide. I had always been the "go to" person with problems. My close friends and family will disagree with this because they never saw that side of me. I did my best to hide it. I typically "helped" people who were acquaintances or classmates. I usually always went out of my way to help. I frequently put their welfare ahead of mine. I never really expected anything in return other than a thank you or their appreciation. I never regretted doing that. It was just the way I was.
I graduated high school with a 2.07 GPA. It's embarrassing and pathetic. I'm not quite sure why I got that GPA. It was probably the laziness and lack of motivation. It wasn't until I was a senior in high school that I discovered I wanted to be a doctor. Unfortunately, it's not a neat or entertaining story. However, I will share it anyway...
I had a basic surgery on my foot that was due to an old sports injury. The bone was broken and would never heal on its own. So, they took it out. Up until this point, I had never had surgery. I think it goes without saying that I was pretty scared. My fear wasn't that I would die or lose my foot. It was that I would wake up in the middle of the surgery and be aware of what was going on. I didn't want that. It sounded terrifying.
My anesthesiologist walked in and gave me the run down on the procedure. Long story short, he sucked. He told me I might wake up. At this point, I was flipping out. The surgery went fine and there were no complications.
However, as I healed from surgery, I began thinking about that doctor, the anesthesiologist. I remember thinking that I could do much better than him. I went in there terrified and he told me exactly what I didn't want to hear. So, I began researching jobs in medicine, specifically anesthesia. I thought I could do better than him. I wanted to do better than him. I knew what is was like to be scared and I hated it. I thought to myself, "I want to ease a patient's fear; to ease their pain".
That's how it all started. It should be noted that the above is rather vague. I had toyed with being a doctor as a child but never took it seriously. It appears that I fell into this choice quickly but I really did take the time and decide. I had always been the "go to" person with problems. My close friends and family will disagree with this because they never saw that side of me. I did my best to hide it. I typically "helped" people who were acquaintances or classmates. I usually always went out of my way to help. I frequently put their welfare ahead of mine. I never really expected anything in return other than a thank you or their appreciation. I never regretted doing that. It was just the way I was.
The first of many
This is my first post on the blog. I hope it is one of many. I created this blog to help determine if being a physician is really what I want to do. My goal is to inform my friends, family, etc.. of what I'm going through, why I'm going through it, and if I think it will be worth it.
Naturally, those who stumble upon this who are farther ahead of me on this "road" will likely be irate that I have the audacity to post the thoughts, ideas, and fears of a lowly pre-med. Well, I don't really care what those people think about this. I'm doing this for me and for the people around me.
I want to determine if medicine is right for me. I think this will help. After all, becoming a physician is a life-long commitment. Nothing so demanding should be taken lightly.
Naturally, those who stumble upon this who are farther ahead of me on this "road" will likely be irate that I have the audacity to post the thoughts, ideas, and fears of a lowly pre-med. Well, I don't really care what those people think about this. I'm doing this for me and for the people around me.
I want to determine if medicine is right for me. I think this will help. After all, becoming a physician is a life-long commitment. Nothing so demanding should be taken lightly.
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